Stress?

Hmm..

I've been having difficulties in breathing since yesterday. I cound't sleep all night plus I had a running nose and my heartbeat is fast. I actually thought it was pretty normal cause I've been experiencing this from time to time. But according to my mom, its not suppose to be normal..and she says there is something wrong with my body.

So we went to the doctor today and had a checkup. The doctor seems to notice that my pulse is fast. Turns out..the cause of this is..STRESS. Stress can lead to difficulties in breathing..hmmm. And why am I so stress? I don't know..since work is going great..the office enviroment nor the work doesn't stress me out. My mom thinks..it is because I think to much of my future. *sigh*

The year is about to come to an end..and I still have no clue what I'm going to do next year. Where I'm going to..or what to even do. And I think she's right. Sometimes when I think about this too hard..I'll end up crying alone in the bathroom. I guess..I'm worried..so that might explain the pulse. Pannick attack is causing the diffuculties in breathing.

My future is still unsettled. So I don't know how to solve this physal isuees. The doctor gave me some prescreptions..but I don't think any med could stop this enxiety. The problem would still be there until I finally figure it out.

On top of that..I had a checkup for thyroid too. Since you can't identify the thyroid by just looking at it.. I have to take a blood test. I've been having the symtoms. Sweaty palms. Shaky hands. I've never notice it..but when the doctor asked me to streched my fingers..I notice how shaky it was. Really bad sign. Another sign is..difficulties in moving the legs sometimes...like shaky legs? I dunno. But yeahh..since I have artherities, my kness are weak. Sometimes it hurts to walk up the stairs. So yeahh..hopefully we'll get the result from the blood test soon.

Hmmm..I might scare you guys...but..I have another problem. Remember about a year ago I mentioned about a certain lump in my breast? Yeahh..its there again. A year ago..I used the traditional way to get rid of it and it seems to work since the lump dissapeared. But oh~ Its there again. And I think its bigger than the last time. Last year, the doctor sugeested an operation, but I was too scared. *sigh* So this time..I think I have to go with it...to get rid of it once and for all.

..On the way back from the clinic I've been thinking..about this so many problems I have. Is god testing me? I dunno..but its making me sadder and..and.. T__________T. I'm just feeling down. I want to move forward but I have so many things on my head...and I don't know how to let it out. My dad doesn't support the dicisions I made..and theres some money problems going on too.

Sometimes....sometimes..I just wish I'm someone else. :(

Anw..that said...I think I'm going on a hiatus for a while. I'll be back soon when I feel like writing'flailing again. *hugs everyone*

random updates

- Me: Maaaaa~ I'm going to PC fair this Saturday to buy a new hard disk. Mana ok? 300GB..ke500?
Mama: The bigger the better. Oh..boleh tlg download crita korean yg mama tgh tgk kat tv tu x? I can't stand waiting every single week.
xDDDD Like mom like daughter.

- I'm craving for Apple and walnut cake!!!! I've tasted Carrot+walnut cake..but apple..I haven't And its making me curious and hungry all the time just thinking about it. I blame Jeffer! :p

- I'm thinking..Should I cut some friends from FB. My list of friends there is getting bigger and honestly..70% of them are people I'm not really close to anymore..or don't even care to read their updates. ^ ^;; I mean..classmates from primary school? Do you guys add them too? Besides, its getting more emberassing cause I've started flailing over Arashi at FB too. And I definately don't want people I'm not close to..to read them. And also..I;ve writing daily updates of myself..and I think its wierd that other people which I haven't contacted in 10 years..and relatives.. can read it. It makes me think twice before posting anything. I'm going to consider adding more people to my friends list from now on..and I'll think before accepting an add..BUT..should I cut some? It would be rude right? *sigh*

- My dad says I'm getting more and more 'round' these days. Heck, Aizat started calling me names like 'Bulat' and 'Si Comel'! ^ I want to go on a diet..but it never works! I'm tooo lazy to exercise and I love food tooooooo much to cut down my eating. Demo...what to doooooo?

- I just figured out what NYC boys stands for. I'm stupid. It took my half a year. LOL. And this article just made me hate Yuma even more. Why Johnny whyyyyyyyyy?? I've always thought Johnny had a soft spot on Yamada..and that he'd be the next Hot one..but I guess I was wrong. Aiyaaaaaa..not fair when other people had to work had to get to what they are now. That said..I still haven't let go ..the fact that HSJ debuted at Tokyo Dome. :p Not fair. Oh well..I guess its time for me to accept that its easier for Juniors these days..they get everything easily.

- I have 5 episodes of Vampire Diaries, 2 My Girl ep, 3 ep of JIN..in my lappy..yet to be watched. But all I wanted was Tokyo Dogs ep5 subbed. WHEREEEEE???? WHY IS IS TAKING SO LONG. 2 WEEKSOF REFRESING D-ADDICTS IS GETTING PRETTY TIRING. T_______T

- Anyone seen last week's Shukudai? Baby!Ohno..kawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiii~~ *pinches* He'd make a perfect baby. LOL.

baaaaaaaack! :D

Tadaimaaaaaa! xDDDDD

I'm back from KB! Arrived safely at 5pm. :) Thank you for all those 'Okaeri', 'I miss U' and 'You're back' shouts. You guys just made me cry. Seriusly. I MISS U GUYS TOO.. LOTS!! *massive hugs* Sorry I haven't replied thoo..my sis is home and is hogging my lappy. T____________T I'll spam you guys 2morrow. BE WARE! xDDDDDD

Btw..how was operation #tsuribaka and #wemakestorm on twitter? Can someone update me? *bats eye lashes* I hope it reached to no.1 spot. I missed it. *cries* Next time..should do it again! Ohno's bufday was..wahh..it was a blast. Sooooooo many entries and release to catch up on. I'm so glad the fandom got togather and did so many wonderful things on his birthday. :) I'm still catching up on some releases. No wonder the subbing teams has been quiet for a few weeks..everybody is saving up for Riida's bithday! :D

Anw....can I pimp something?

Have you guys cast your votes on Free For All at Ohno_daily? C-can I lure you lovelies to *coughs* this one. Its not mine..but I helped......a bit. Its her first time sharing a fic she made, so..it'll be awesome if she won. And..of course..because its awesome too. Well, it has to be..since its Ohmiya! *beams*

Oookay! I better continue checking up on my LJ's friends-list. Expect comments from me here and there! xDDD Ohhhh..and have I said it? I MISS YOU GUYS!


ps- I knew it!! Nino would make a cuuuuuuuuute Casper! *pinches* Ghost Nino..come haunt my dreams~~~~ hehe

Happy Oh-day!

Happy 29th Birthday Ohno Satoshi! :)
I've been thinking of what to write now since days ago..but I don't think words can measure up my feelings.
I just hope you'll always be your true sef and never change cause I love you just the way you are.
You'll always be my ichiban and my everyting..nothing or anyone *hint at a certain yellow guy* would ever replace you in my heart.




....but really.. You're 29?? *squishes*

1 more day to go!

Its a new scan..but right now is one of my top3 favourite picture of Nino! I love this picture of Nino so much I'm thinking of printing it and stick it to the wall beside my desk. *squishes* Ninoooooooooooooo~ doki doki. ♥

\o/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALIQA!! ♥

One of the nicest person I've met in the fandom!
I hope you're having a wonderful birthday today filled with love from family and friends...and Arashi! xD *hugs*
Its too bad we didn't get to meet each other last year at Singapore..maybe next year if I'm fortunate enough to study in Melbourne..we can finally meet! Or OR..you could come to Malaysia..~~
And hopefully oneday I can really convince you that..I'M NOT BLUE TURNING INTO YELLOW! :p *clings to Ohno*

2 more days to go!

adding to the stupidity and frustration...
No need to brag about appearing for 5 minutes in a Japanese talk show. ANS is a late night show anyway. :p And the last 2 lines..*rofl* Anw..*coughs* 2 more days to go!!!!


Of course have to include this in the fav pic folder. hihi. I miss Japan! T_________T It has been 1 year but the memories..will never fade. I hope I'll get to experience Japan again. :)

ps- I don't have the guts to bash about other fandom in my own personal blog now. ^ ^;; I use totho.. T_____T
ps2- Sarahhhhhhhhhh! MSN? I miss U! xDDDDD

3 more days to go!

Obviously my fav because...the eyes~~~~ *melts*


3 more days to go! Getting closer by the day!

Anw....ARASHI WILL BE IN KOHAKU THIS YEAR!!!! YAYY!
and for the first time NHk is braking their own rule (2 JE artist only for Kohaku each year) just to have Arashi int heir list this year! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~!! *excited*

And I LOVE MEISA! She's just so lovely in Haikei~ I'm glad she was chosen to be in Arashi's drama. I hope theres gonna be some NinoxMeisa~ This..I approve! NinoxMao..not much! xDDD

edit: hmmm..why is NYC Boys in the list for Kouhaku this year too? *xpuas hati* Its not being fair to the other senpai groups. =_=" Too young to be given this privillage. I dunno..but I have to agree with some people..putting in NYC Boys is just..being rude to other groups (and actually to Arashi too..since they have to wait for 10 years to debut at Kouhaku and. And when they finally can..its the same time as a non-debut group!! And with that freaking Yuma boy who just debut tooo!! *kicks*). Goshh..what is Johnny really thinking. I'm actually going to believe in this teory. So..since Arashi will be in Kouhaku..who's going to MC for Countdown this year?
.......I better rant about this somewhere else. I'm starting to bash junior groups here. *dodges from flying tomatoesfrom Jema and Nasyer* ^ ^;;
.......Anybody wants to join me in my frustation? MSN!!!!

4 more days to go!

LOL. I forgot where I stole this one from. But this one for all those Matsujun baiters out there~ xDDD

Its getting close. 4 more days to go! :D But before that..theres another person's birthday coming up! xDDDd Boy, knape ramai sangat bufday close to 26th? *x puas hati*

Anw..Shogun was fun! I'm already missing the food and the wonderful campony. It was fun. We really should do this on a onthly basis. LOL. ..but then I have to save up more money each month for this. ^ ^;;

Money is a big issue these days and so is SPACE! I need more space coz my computer has only 7GB now..and my ex-HD no.1 has 600MB, ex-HD no.2 has only 67MB. 0_o And I'm stil downloading stuff!!!!! Geez, I want to stop but I can't. So I'm deleting unimportant stuff which I like but still...unimportant. And today, I'm going to burn all those not-so-important-but-still-want stuff.

I've already begged my dad to buy me one and he alraedy agrees. But when??? Everytime I remind him..he'll say 'Nanti laa..tunggu PC fair'. ^ ^" I'm thinking of buying one myself. But ohhh..the money~~~~ I'm saving it for a Nintendo DS and a new watch.

Tskk. I refuse to take some from my next-year's-trip savings..tetapi mau korek duit nya dari celah mana bang? :(

Okay so I have a few option now..
1) stop downloading stuff and just wait patiently till my dad buys me a HD.
2)buy a small and cheap one myself. 300GB
3)buy a 500MB terus..and Nintendo DS can wait.
4)no need to buy another x-HD. Burn everyting into DVDs.

Help?

5 more days to go!

I tought Nino looks like Wu-chun and I love how Ohno's body looks so...tough(?) wearing that tight yellow 24Hour Terebi shirt. :D

iaofhcnakflcnac! Blogspot just ate up my entry. I wrote a pretty long one too about my Sabah trip! *kicks* Oh well, I'll update this entry later. Right now....I'm off to Shogun! Yayyyyyy! I miss everyone.

ps- Jeffer says there's gonna lotsa surprises on Oh-day! And Utaban coming sooooooon! Yatta! Poor girl slept for 4 hours only working on that. ^ ^;;